It’s difficult to understand mentalism unless you live with it.

– ”I Had an Appointment Today’ and Musing on Why We Hate the BPD Diagnosis’, The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive

I really enjoy Seaneen Molloy’s writing.  Even though she’s coming from a different place to me (both literally and figuratively), her posts strike a chord, particularly in her discussion of mental illness.  However when I read the line above from her latest post, I had two immediate reactions to it.

The first was: she’s right.  I could never have understood what clinical depression was prior to experiencing it.  I had no idea about the physical impact it has, or the cognitive functioning that is lost.  No idea.  I think unless you’ve been there yourself, you can’t understand how debilitating and all-encompassing mentalness is.

The second thought was: hell, most days even I don’t understand mentalism, and I do live with it.  Why is it some days are easy, and some are hell?  Why do I feel great one day, then shit the next?  Am I recovering, or just bouncing around randomly like a pinball?  After four years, I still don’t know the answers.  I hardly know the questions.  The only thing I am aware of is that nobody else knows the answers either.

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