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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

I’ve been on leave since Wednesday lunchtime, and it’s been wonderful.  I’ve done food and Xmas shopping, and cooked here and there.  C and I have spent a considerable amount of quality time in the garden as well, which is really starting to shape up.  Together we’ve spent about eight hours just cutting back the bougainvillea, or as C refers to it, the ‘creeping death vine’.  Yes, it was long overdue and yes, it serves us right, being such an enormous task now.  The good news is it’s looking much smaller, and will probably only need about another three hours to be a manageable size again.

We’ve really enjoyed this time off.  It’s been relaxing but we’ve also got stuff done, which is the best outcome for us both.  Now we just need to survive tomorrow – the annual Day from Relative Hell – and we’ll have another week and a day off work together.  Yay!!

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I’m feeling a bit all over the place this weekend.  It’s been a good week in a few different ways; I’ve started to really clean out the house.  I’ve donated a car-full of stuff to the local Good Sammie’s, and I’ve also gone through one shelf in the pantry and got together a box of stuff which I donated to the local Christmas food drive.  I cooked dinner last night, and I’ll cook again tonight.  I’ve finished my usual cleaning, and I’ve been to three zumba classes this week.  I had a really lovely chat with my little brother this morning, who rang me of his own accord and was full of news.  My weight is 75.6kgs, which for me is a BMI of 24.97 – for the first time in years, I’m in the ‘normal’ BMI range.

On the other hand, I’m feeling a bit – flat.  Not crap, just – flat.  I’ve felt like this for a little while now, maybe a week, and I’m not really sure what to do about it.  Do I increase my meds?  Do I wait and see how I go?  Do I learn some relaxation techniques?  Who knows.  At this stage I’m tempted to up the meds a bit, just to see if they make a difference.  I’ve had a couple of bad days in the last few weeks as well; so bad I was a mess.  One of them I managed to get to work, the other I just stayed home and cried and slept all day.

The more I think about it, the more I think I will increase my meds.  I don’t like feeling like this – the best medical description would be ‘flat affect’ – and I’ve felt like this for a little while now.  It’s not improving depending on how much sleep I get, how well I’m eating, or how much exercise I’m doing; I think it may be time to bring in the big guns.

Generally though life is going okay.  C is on leave now for two weeks (I go on leave from Thursday) and he’s celebrating by spending about twenty hours a day in front of the computer.  This doesn’t particularly worry me, as he needs a bit of time to de-stress after the last few weeks.  Work has been ridiculous and he needed a break.

It’s hard to believe it’s Sunday evening already.  And mid-December, no less.   WTF has happened to the year?

I’ve had a pretty good week and weekend.  Work was satisfying this week – for one of the few times this year I actually felt like I was working on something important.  I had to write up a document for the Premier’s chief of staff, in a very short time frame and with little direction, and it went through without any amendments.  This made me happy 😀

The diet and exercise etc is still going well.  I’ve now lost 4.6kgs, which means I’m about half-way to being a size 12.  I’m starting to get a lot of comments about it too, mostly from various people at work.  I just have to stick with it, I guess.  Zumba is having a two-week break over Christmas, so I’ll have to see what I do about that.  In theory I’ll go running instead.  In reality, I loathe running with a passion, so we will have to see.  Maybe I’ll just limit my eating to 1000 calories a day, who knows.

Also, we’ve bought another property!!  This was the truly exciting news of the week.  It’s a 3×1 villa, and we got it for $322K.  This is a BARGAIN, and it has really made my month.  It needs a bit of work in the outside areas (new paving, and a garden needs to be established) but inside it’s relatively okay.  The really exciting thing is we’ve also negotiated access to the property after finance approval, but before settlement.  This means we can start doing stuff to it, before we have to pay the mortgage on it.  First time we’ve managed to negotiate this so I’m really stoked!

I saw my mum today, who was in good form.  We spent two hours together gasbagging, and it went really well.  I don’t always get along fantastically with my mother, so today was really nice for a change.  I even got my act together and bought a secret santa gift for this coming Friday’s work Christmas party – a calendar with smartarse sayings.  The recipient will love it, she’s got a similar sense of humour to me, so that was a win.

I’m in the process of cooking a lamb roast for dinner.  It’s got to the point where the lamb-roast odours are wafting around the house, and driving me nuts.  I’m so hungry, I’ve only had 900 calories today – I thought I’d save up and splash out for dinner 😀  Plus, I may even have a chocolate mousse for dessert.  I’ve found these great Aero chocolate mousses which are only 69 calories, with pretty much no fat, so they’re an allowable indulgence.