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Who knew that such a short period of time could make such a difference?
I’ve been going regularly to zumba classes – at the moment, 2-3 times a week. I’d like to make it a solid 3x per week, but that will depend on what else is going on. For example I couldn’t make last Saturday’s class, because I’d been to the chiropracter earlier, and he said it wasn’t such a good idea to go on the same day. However, I went tonight – I hadn’t done a Monday class before. With Wednesday’s evening class and next Saturday’s 10am class, this will make 3x this week.
I’m also being a bit more conscious about eating. I wouldn’t say I’m denying myself, I’m just remembering to think, ‘Is this really a good idea?’ So I didn’t have a muffin with my coffee today (which I probably do about once a week, typically on Mondays because it’s the start of the work week); I didn’t have a kitkat with lunch, and I did have a salad and an orange juice, instead of an iced bun (sad but true, this is probably my preferred lunch MO – I’d have an iced bun about three times a week). When I got home from zumba, I had two fish fillets and steamed vegies. I may well have a cornetto in a minute too, but that’s okay.
So yes, lots of lifestyle changes going on. It’s great. I just need to keep the momentum up now. My chiro was very happy to hear I’ve started regular exercise as well, his last words to me were ‘keep it up!’. Considering how good I feel after a class, I think I will. Not just physically good either – the endorphins zoom around my body like they’re on speed. It’s great stuff. I’m not fooling myself that I can kick the antidepressants cold turkey or anything, but the exercise does help, probably more than just about anything else that’s not pharmaceutical-based.
It occurred to me the other day that I’m starting to look after myself a bit better, in a few different ways – physically, mentally, etc. Some of the examples that spring to mind:
- I’m trying to make sure I eat at least one piece of fruit every day. This sounds simple, but for me, it’s something that actually requires brain space.
- I’ve started going to zumba classes 2-3 times a week (other life stuff permitting).
- I’m finally doing something about my lovely case of toenail fungus. (Sounds appealing doesn’t it?!) I ordered three bottles of Funginix and have been religiously applying it twice a day, as per instructions. I’ve had toenail fungus for years but it’s got to the point now where I won’t wear any shoes that show my toes, so it’s time to actually sort it out.
- I’m taking it easy when my body tells me to. For example I should be sorting out the peeling bathroom/laundry in one of our properties today; but instead I’m going to kick back at home, do some laundry, and have a substantial nap.
- I’m being a bit more proactive than I usually am in having time off work. This means I plan it ahead and allow for it, with my boss’s knowledge. This makes me feel more in control and less subject to the vagaries of depression.
- I’m making the effort to actually appreciate the fantastic relationship I have with C. A guy at work is going through all kinds of dramas in his marriage, and it has brought home to me how well C and I get along, and what a great life we really do have together.
- I’m trying to enjoy the little/simple things – the lovely weather, gardening, etc.
I’m sure there’s other stuff, but this is all that springs to mind at the moment.
Today’s been a bit of an odd one. Got off to a flying start by doing a property turnover in record time – about two hours, with C’s help. Admittedly it was already pretty clean to start off with, so I didn’t have to do stuff like clean the shower or oven, but even so, two hours is amazingly quick. The need for speed was due to the previous tenants moving out late morning, and the new ones moving in in the early afternoon. Mission accomplished 😉
I maintained the forward momentum when I got home and did several loads of laundry. However I’m sitting here feeling…. well…. flat. Not sure why. I’m happy, I got heaps done, and New York has just legislated to approve same sex marriage. Fantastic! So I’m not quite sure what’s missing in my brain for my mood to be low. Maybe my fluoxetine is getting to it the long way around, who knows.
I’m not feeling so good, either physically or mentally. Physically I have a horrible feeling I’m coming down with something, or at the very least, fighting it off. I’ve spent yesterday and today mostly asleep, with some housecleaning and ironing interspersed between naps. However, I keep coughing in my sleep and feeling exhausted, despite sleeping about 18 hours out of 24.
Mentally, I’m feeling a bit on the numb side. Not sure whether it’s linked to my physical health, but I suspect it is, at least partly. Plus, it’s been a full-on week with work – I discovered that I’m only staying where I am for the next three months. This makes me sad as I was hoping to stay there permanently; but never mind. I guess I just need to look around and find a contingency plan (ie. a different job) in the next twelve weeks.
This has been a good weekend. We had my brother and his fiancee over to dinner last night, to celebrate his birthday. We’d normally go to Mum and J’s place, but they’re over east, and as my brother’s only sibling I felt like it would be nice if I did something. So C and I spent all day cleaning, I cooked roast beef and vegies, and it all went so well they didn’t leave until 1am! C and I were zonked! But it was a great night, and my brother appreciated it, which was lovely 🙂
As a result of such a busy day and late night, I spent most of today sleeping – I was just shattered. I had two naps, both about three hours long, and I only felt normal when I woke up from the second nap at about 6pm tonight. And I won’t have any problems sleeping tonight, either. Being tired is the key trigger for my depression, and I’ve learned that ridiculous amounts of sleep for normal people are sometimes necessary for me to keep functioning.
And tonight, after dinner, C asked me if I’d like to go down south next week, for five nights. (We have a week of leave but we hadn’t made any specific plans for it.) Of course I said yes, so he booked it online. We’re going to a place called Harmony Forest in Margaret River, which is beautiful and isolated. We actually got married there so it has lots of good memories for us both 🙂 So that will make our week off work extra special. I’m looking forward to it already.
Apart from the weather, all is going well. I’m loving my new job, and I like my coworkers (at least, most of the time). I’ve even worked out how to catch public transport to and from my new job, with minimal effort involved. Yay! I’m really hoping I get to stay at the new organisation. Fingers crossed!
Mental health is going fantastically, needless to say. I can’t believe the difference changing my job has made. I’m calmer, happier, more easy going, and I’m sleeping better. I even have energy to do stuff like house cleaning and dishes. It’s just about a miracle. I’ve been thinking that if I do get to stay with the current job, I might try very slowly easing off the antidepressants. I’m currently on 40mg/day of fluoxetine (aka prozac) and I’m feeling really really good. However we shall wait and see – a lot depends on where I’m working in six months’ time.
While everything work wise is going great, the weather has been not so good. I said to my boss during the week, that it’s like we’ve all died and gone to hell. 38 degrees celsius (what’s that, 100F?), plus about 80% humidity is horribly uncomfortable. And the nights aren’t helping either – more humid, if anything, and only dropping to about 25 or 26 degrees celsius (about 77F). Shit, if I wanted to live in this weather, I’d be in Singapore – better food, public transport, and shopping. The worst part of it is that it’s not just a few days we’re talking about here – try the last ten days; and the seven day forecast is for exactly the same. Yucky.
Our airconditioning is evaporative and it’s really struggling to cope with the heat and humidity. We’ve had it all 24/7 for the last few days, and I’m still sitting here in my underwear, sweating, directly under a vent. That said, it would be a lot more uncomfortable if we didn’t have it at all. It’s times like these that I thank god we had air con installed in our rentals – our tenants would be cooking in this heat if there wasn’t air conditioning available.
Generally though, weather aside, all is well. I’ve had a productive day already – all the food shopping done, loads of laundry done and hung out on the line (where it drys in about thirty seconds flat), kitchen clean, bathroom clean….. all that’s left for me to do now is have a nap 😀
Wow. Busy weekend. My darling friend got married on Saturday. As I was in the bridal party, I was up at 7am, and didn’t get to relax until after midnight. That is a loooong day for a girl who likes her sleep. However, it was lovely, it all went very well, and it was fantastic to see the happy couple so, well, happy. 😀 Plus, I made up for it by sleeping about 20 hours out of 24 the next day.
In other (unrelated) news, C and I have this week off. When I say ‘off’ I should really say ‘off from paid work’. As per usual, we’re renovating. The bathroom/laundry is now finished, apart from the shower screen installation, so that’s all finalised pretty much. We painted half of the unit today, and will hopefully finish off tomorrow. C will then need to change all the lights and power switches, and paint the skirting boards etc. We’re also getting the floorboards repolished on Thursday; then we’ll need to move the furniture in. I’m hoping (fingers crossed!) that it’ll be ready to have a home open this coming Sunday, but really, anything could happen.
It’s been a while since I mentioned my mental health. Generally, it’s going well. After the very long and tiring day I had on Saturday, I was pretty much incapable of doing anything but sleeping. Which I did. And today, while I’m tired, it’s manageable. I think I’ve finally learned how to listen to my body a bit. Now, need sleep = get sleep. If I’m tired, I just check out and hit the sack. So far, it seems to work fairly well.
Today was a good day. I got up early and went into work early (C was unwell, so I left him asleep). I churned through a heap of stuff, had two successful meetings with my manager, managed my anxiety really well, and generally was on top of my form physically, mentally, emotionally, workwise – every possible way.
I can’t remember the last day I had which was so good. Probably back when I was at uni, which is about eight years ago now. Since then, I’ve either been mentally sub-par, or not had work which I find challenging and interesting when I was functioning well (my short time as a policy officer comes to mind). I’m not sure whether to feel glad or sad. Glad, obviously, because today I really was on top of my game; sad, because once a decade isn’t enough to get me through the tough times, either qualitatively or quantitatively.
Well, life has been busy. My mental health has also taken a dive in the last couple of days. Not really sure why – there were triggers, but nothing really major. It was all definitely compounded by getting less than four hours’ sleep last night. My biggest trigger by far is insufficient sleep, and four hours doesn’t cut it in any language. That said, anything less than about 14 hours for me is ‘insufficient’, so this is clearly a subjective measure.
So yes, haven’t been the best. Work is a bit all over the place, both figuratively and literally. I just moved office yesterday, plus I’m in a different job for a couple of months. We have training that needs to be rolled out, and I’m the Chosen One to do it. Fortunately I’ll have assistance, otherwise I think my mental health would be well and truly down the toilet given the time frames etc. that have been determined.
We have a final pre-settlement inspection tomorrow night at 5pm, and a potential tenant coming by to view one of our properties at the same time. I can definitely see the benefits in owning multiple properties in the same complex.
Ugh. Brain not working. I think I’m going to have a shower and go to bed. Tomorrow is another, hopefully better, day.
It’s difficult to understand mentalism unless you live with it.
– ”I Had an Appointment Today’ and Musing on Why We Hate the BPD Diagnosis’, The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I really enjoy Seaneen Molloy’s writing. Even though she’s coming from a different place to me (both literally and figuratively), her posts strike a chord, particularly in her discussion of mental illness. However when I read the line above from her latest post, I had two immediate reactions to it.
The first was: she’s right. I could never have understood what clinical depression was prior to experiencing it. I had no idea about the physical impact it has, or the cognitive functioning that is lost. No idea. I think unless you’ve been there yourself, you can’t understand how debilitating and all-encompassing mentalness is.
The second thought was: hell, most days even I don’t understand mentalism, and I do live with it. Why is it some days are easy, and some are hell? Why do I feel great one day, then shit the next? Am I recovering, or just bouncing around randomly like a pinball? After four years, I still don’t know the answers. I hardly know the questions. The only thing I am aware of is that nobody else knows the answers either.
a life half lived 