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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

I’ve been on leave since Wednesday lunchtime, and it’s been wonderful.  I’ve done food and Xmas shopping, and cooked here and there.  C and I have spent a considerable amount of quality time in the garden as well, which is really starting to shape up.  Together we’ve spent about eight hours just cutting back the bougainvillea, or as C refers to it, the ‘creeping death vine’.  Yes, it was long overdue and yes, it serves us right, being such an enormous task now.  The good news is it’s looking much smaller, and will probably only need about another three hours to be a manageable size again.

We’ve really enjoyed this time off.  It’s been relaxing but we’ve also got stuff done, which is the best outcome for us both.  Now we just need to survive tomorrow – the annual Day from Relative Hell – and we’ll have another week and a day off work together.  Yay!!


Had my second weigh-in today.  Only lost 0.4kg, but hey it’s better than nothing I guess.  I’ve already checked out my eating plan and have worked out where I can reduce my breakfast a bit to cut back, so that’s a good thing.  If I tend to overeat at any meal it’s breakfast – I wake up STARVING and so I eat as much as I can stuff into my little mouth.  However I’m working out that if I cut back on my muesli/no fat milk/yoghurt combo a bit, it reduces the calorie intake and still leaves me feeling full.  Anyhow, we’ll see what the coming seven days brings.

I’m hoping to get to four zumba classes again this week.  I just feel so good when I’m in a class (and afterwards as well of course).  I was telling C yesterday that I’ve started deliberately upping my energy level in the class – I’ve always been a high energy participant, but I’m trying to deliberately remember to lift my knees higher, etc.  Again, mindfulness is a key part of this.

We went to Mum & J’s last night for dinner.  Poor C, he spent just about the entire four hours we were there sorting out their laptops.  I finally had to put my foot down at 10pm and drag him home – he was too polite to say he’d had enough.  However the dinner was lovely and Mum was in good form, so that was nice.

We spent a good two hours this afternoon weeding the back paving area.  The cat hung around the entire time, ‘supervising’ as C says.  She just really likes hanging out with us when we’re outside.  I think she enjoys the company.  Every so often she’d walk over to one of us for a pat, then walk back to her spot to lie down again.  So cute.

Five years ago today, C and I got married.  I didn’t know it at the time but I was about to be diagnosed with clinical depression, which would follow my life for at least the next half-decade.  That said, I can honestly say that the day we got married was definitely one of the best days of my life.

We don’t do anything special for our wedding anniversaries; all we’ll do tonight is kick back and have some takeaway squid with salad for dinner.  Then we’ll probably cuddle on the couch and watch some episodes of True Blood.  Simple, but perfect 🙂

I’m nearly at the end of week two of my new exercise/eating plan regime.  It’s been pretty easy, to be honest.  I love my zumba classes and never need to motivate myself to go to them, so that aspect is so simple.  The food part is a bit harder, and takes a bit more effort, just in terms of recording it all, and being mindful of what I eat.  I’m also premenstrual so have had some significant sugar cravings for the last day or so.  I’ve bought some diet desserts (creme caramel and chocolate mousse) so that if I do break down, there’s something ‘permissible’ but still naughty that I can indulge in.  So far I’m holding out though, which is good.

I had a meeting with my old boss yesterday.  Basically she wants to lure me to work with her.   The description of the job sounds fantastic, and she’s the best boss I’ve ever had, so I told her that if she could arrange it, I’d love to work with her.  Plus it would effectively get me out of my substantive role, which I’m well and truly looking to do.

My gorgeous friend M got married a year ago, and I was one of her bridesmaids.  She and her husband C live in another state, but they came over (with their new baby daughter) just for this weekend, to catch up (briefly) with family and friends.  All M’s friends live here, and all C’s family and friends, so there was a lot of catching up scheduled.

A large group of us from her wedding had dinner last night in Fremantle.  I think it was originally intended to just be the bridal party plus their partners, but it ended up being pretty much everybody who came to the wedding (minus M’s parents, who are from Victoria).  So it was a big group, lots of kids ranging from 8 months to 13 years old, and heaps of talking.

It was great to see M, and of course C and the baby.  The baby is adorable – M has four children, and all of them are very very cute.  She has a big shock of medium brown hair and the most beautiful skin you’ve ever seen.  She was so good, too, not a peep out of her from 6:30pm until 10pm, when I left.  Despite going from being a single guy to a dad with four kids in one fell swoop, C was also looking just the same as he did a year ago, which is good – the shock hasn’t killed him yet, so I think he’s going to make it 😉  I asked M how it was going with him and the kids and she said they just adore him, which is wonderful.  I asked C how he was going, and he said really good, that it had its challenges, but it was good.  Overall I think it’s all working out fantastically well, and I’m so so glad for M, who really deserves an easier life than she’s had, firstly married to her first (pig of a) husband, then being a single mum to three very small kids.

The only thing that worried me was M’s health.  She’s had a chequered past in terms of physical health – at 17 she was diagnosed with three brain tumours, two of which were inoperable.  In the last year these seem to have almost disappeared and all her tests are coming back great.  That said, she is waaaaay too skinny – 47 kilos – and for the first time ever, she’s looking quite lined and old.  I really got a shock when I saw her last night, she basically looked worse than I’ve ever seen her look before.  When I asked her about her health she admitted that she seems to have some kind of thyroid problem, but they can’t pin down exactly what it is – most of her levels are fine, other indicators aren’t showing anything, etc.  But she can’t keep any weight on (she eats like a horse, and C is a chef who does all the family meals) and she’s exhausted all the time.

So yes, while it was fantastic to see them, I am worried about M.  I know there’s nothing I can do, and that fretting won’t achieve anything, but I can’t get the image of her poor little face out of my mind. 😦

Not a huge amount going on to report here.  Still keeping up with the zumba classes, still doing the usual – work, sleep, properties, etc.

I’m going to visit my mum this morning.  She and J got back from their European trip last weekend but we couldn’t organise a time to meet before now, so today it is.  She managed to hurt her ankle – not quite sure what she’s done to it at this stage, but 1) it isn’t broken, and 2) it seems worse than a sprain.  She has to have a CT scan on it, her physio thinks she may have pulled some tendon away from the bone.  YOUCH.

I caught up with a girlfriend from my previous workplace last week, and I’m doing the same with a couple more in the next two weeks.  I used to try to get them all to the same lunch but found it didn’t really work – we all like talking, but an hour with three other people isn’t really quality time, so I’ve started organising to see them all separately.  I loved seeing A and I know seeing T and G will be just as good.

Wow.  Busy few days.

I went to a zumba class on Wednesday night, and again yesterday morning (Saturday).  After the first twenty minutes on Wednesday, I thought I was going to die.  Talk about unfit.  However it’s already getting easier – after yesterday’s class I didn’t feel so bad.  Tired, yes, but ready to peg it, no.  There’s another class on Monday night but there’s stuff I have to do for one of the properties, so I don’t think I’ll make it this week.

Interview on Friday went okay.  Not amazing, but okay.  I should find out in about six weeks whether I’ve been appointed or not.  Until then I just need to not think about it.

It’s been a social week, too.  We had my brother and sister in law over on Thursday for pizza, and we had my in-laws over last night for roast lamb.  I now feel like I’d be perfectly happy not to interact for a couple of weeks with anybody other than C.  However, I’ve been a good sister/daughter in law, the house got cleaned so it was decent, and I’ve covered off on my family obligations for a little while, so it’s all good.

I got a head start on the cleaning on Friday night – I did both bathrooms and toilets.  Then I got up early and did laundry and food shopping before my 10am zumba class.  I don’t know if I can keep this up, but I do like the precedent it set.  I kept on with the good work this morning, by ironing three of C’s work shirts.  In theory I need to get to the apartment today to continue work on the bathroom, but I don’t know if I can be bothered, to be honest.  I’m worn out from all the housework, entertaining and exercise!!

Really the title should be ‘day off paid work’, but I’m not quibbling – any day off is a good day!  I realised yesterday at work that I had some flexi hours up my sleeve, and that I was on top of my workload, so I asked the boss if I could have today off as a day in lieu, and he said yes 🙂

I spent most of the morning sleeping (how sad is that?!) then did some food shopping and had lunch.  After that I went to the property we’re working on and did some more sealing and patching work in the bathroom/laundry.  I’m really hopeful this is going to sort it out, the bits I patched today I’d sealed the other night, and they looked really good, and gave a great surface to put the polyfilla on.  Hoping for the best!

I even have some plans in the pipeline for exercise.  I randomly did a google search the other day for zumba classes in my suburb, and a few popped up.  One is on tonight at the local hall, from 7pm and the best part (apart from being just down the road) – it’s only $12 per class!  At that rate I can happily justify going twice a week.  Whether I do or not is another story, but location and price wise it’s ideal.  I’ve only done zumba before on the wii, but I love high-energy aerobic based stuff, so I’m sure to love it.

I spoke to my brother last night, who informed me that he’s leaving on Sunday to go to the UK for work for ten weeks.  I was a bit sad as I haven’t seen him for ages, so he and his wife will be coming over tomorrow night for pizza for dinner.  I even thought ahead enough to buy some garlic bread today when I was shopping that we can have with the pizza.

Finally, I have an interview for a permanent position on Friday.  I keep forgetting about it.  That’s probably not a good sign, is it?  I’ll have to make sure my brother and sister in law don’t stay too late on Thursday night.  The good thing about my brother is that we do have that relationship where I can kick him out at 10pm and he’ll understand perfectly. 🙂

Yet another busy weekend.  We had one lot of tenants move out yesterday, and new ones move in today.  Even though the place was left very clean, it still takes a fair bit of work to do a turnover.  However the new tenants are in and appear to have settled in well, so that’s a relief 🙂

Apart from the property turnover, today was Fathers’ Day.  My dad is dead, and my stepdad J is overseas with mum at the moment, but C’s dad is still around so we had him and C’s stepmum over for a cooked breakfast.  I did bacon, eggs, mushrooms and toast, followed by buttermilk pancakes with strawberry coulis and maple syrup.  It turned out well and was very much appreciated, which is always nice.  I was smart this time and had breakfast before they arrived – I can’t eat savoury stuff in the mornings and I knew I was doing all the cooking, so I was prepared!  (I’ve done this before but not eaten first, and just about passed out from low blood sugar by the time I do eat something.)

I was particularly happy with the buttermilk pancakes – I’ve made them before, but not with gluten-free flour (C’s dad is a coeliac) and they turned out beautifully, which was great.  So many things don’t taste ‘right’ with gluten-free flour, but these were lovely and tasted ‘normal’ so to speak.  The only thing was the mix went flat pretty quickly.  Still tasted fine, but just very flat, more like pikelets than pancakes.   It was also the first time I’d made strawberry coulis and that also worked out well.  Very easy – a small punnet of strawberries, three dessertspoons of castor sugar, and juice of half a lemon, whizzed up in the blender.  It made HEAPS, easily double of what we used, so I’ll also have to remember that in future.

I’m pretty fortunate.  I’ve never had any problems with my ears, nose or throat, apart from the occasional sinus infection as a result of getting colds or the flu.  C, on the other hand, has had problems ever since I’ve known him.  Ongoing issues with breathing and post-nasal drip, together with significant snoring, led us to get C into a sleep clinic to be assessed.  Turns out he has moderately bad sleep apnoea.  We then tried four years of desensitisation injections.  Once a month, for four years, he got a subcutaneous injection in his arm.  The injection comprised extracts of stuff he’s allergic to – dust mites, cockroach poo (yes, really), various pollens and grasses.  Anyhow, four years on, and his breathing wasn’t significantly improved.

This led us to the next option available – sinus surgery.  He had a CT scan which showed he has chronic sinusitus, exacerbated by a pretty badly skewiff septum.  As a result, he ended up having sinus surgery yesterday.  He wasn’t too happy when he came out, so I asked the nurses nicely if they could do something, and they dosed him up with tramadol.  Yay for drugs, this worked a treat!  He’s home now and whilst he’s not overjoyed, it certainly went a lot better than we were both fearing.  His specialist was pleased, he said that there were a heap of polyps in his nasal passage which he removed, his septum is now straight, and he thinks C’s life will be improved immeasurably.  So, by extension, will my life.  I can’t wait to have a husband who’s full of the joy of life and gets a decent night’s sleep.  Thank god for medical intervention, that’s all I can say.

It’s been a good day.  Despite my ongoing anxiety issues, I’ve managed to get a few things done, which has been great.  We had to inspect one of our properties this morning, which was okay.  Not pristine, but okay.  Definitely a hell of a lot better than it was two weeks ago, so that’s the main thing I guess.  After that, we did the food shopping, together.  Without arguments/getting stressed.  This sounds minor, but trust me it’s not.  Neither of us like crowds, or food shopping for that matter.  But we seem to be getting better at it, finally.

I had a great nap (about three hours) and then got up and cooked roast beef and vegies for dinner, which was really good.  C was very impressed.  He loves it when I cook.  Unfortunately that’s about once or twice a week.  I work on the premise that the scarcity of my cooking increases its perceived value.  C has done nothing so far to disprove this 😉

In other news, we put an offer in on a property this week, which was accepted.  We met with our adorable finance broker to look at the finances, and he confirmed that finance won’t be a problem.  Yay!  All we have to do now is hope our sale goes through okay.  Finance is supposed to be approved by Monday, and as of Friday afternoon it hadn’t been, so we may have to do an extension of contract.  Not really sure how to do that, but hopefully I’ll work it out, otherwise the contract is null and void.

If tomorrow’s fine, we may get out in the garden.  We’ve done a bit of work in it over the last month or so, and now there’s only a couple of garden beds that need weeding.  The only thing is, it’s getting COLD out there.  This is a major disincentive to doing outside work, I can tell you.  Still, if good intentions count for anything, we’ve already earned some brownie points 😉